i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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