my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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