I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
