when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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