I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
