How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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