never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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