so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
