Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
