there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
