im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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