I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize