Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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