the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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