this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
