What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
