barbara walters just said penis...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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