I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
