Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
