Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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