is your mom at the bar?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
