Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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