He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dick has a subreddit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
