i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
