Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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