please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
