Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
