sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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