ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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