this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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