My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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