spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
