he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize