Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize