so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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