Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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