so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
