new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
