we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
