I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
