so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm jealous of your bromance
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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