rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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