I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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