i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
