I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
