i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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