MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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