Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize