Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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