he shaved USA in his pubs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
