Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
