Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
