I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
