We're like a lot better than the average bears
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
