so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize