they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
