My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
