yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
