dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
