I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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