it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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