If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
