is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
