He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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