Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
