therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
