You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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