So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
