You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize