Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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