R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
