Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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