My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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