I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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