this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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