I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
