Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
