my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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