Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
